Decidedly With Mistletoe Page 6

  Maybe if I had met them before Liam ten years ago, I would have felt differently. Maybe I would have believed they were good.

  See my dilemma? Liam had ruined sex for me.

  I knew great sex was out there. The question was, would I ever find it again?

  If I wasn’t preoccupied with Liam thrusting inside me and driving me closer and closer to the edge of euphoria, I might have kneed him in the nuts for raising my expectations.

  Liam’s fingers found my clit and pinched it. That was all it took. My muscles clenched hard around his cock—and the most intense orgasm I’d ever experienced rocketed through me. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God!”

  Oops. Hadn’t meant to be so loud.

  Usually Liam would climb out of bed once he was finished to dispose of the condom. This time he collapsed on me, his head on my shoulder.

  “Are you okay?” Laughing, I stroked the firm muscles in his back.

  His head remained on my shoulder. “I’ve just decided that I’m spending the rest of the day right here.”

  “In bed?”

  He lifted his head and grinned. “No, inside you.” He leaned down and kissed me. Sweetly at first.

  And then possessively.

  My body added its vote, siding with Liam one hundred percent.

  But the voice of reason reminded me that I had (hopefully) places to go and men to kiss under the mistletoe.

  Or there was also option B: lie to Zoe and tell her that her belief in the power of mistletoe was misguided. Tell her that I had kissed every available guy at the resort and never found my Forever Love.

  Which would have worked as an option if I didn’t suck at lying.

  Zoe could see through me every time.

  “Don’t you want to go back to San Francisco and spend Christmas with Kelsey and her husband?” My mouth twisted up to one side. “Won’t that be hard to do when you’re still inside me?”

  His smirk matched mine. “It might be a little challenging, but I’m sure I can figure it out.”

  I laughed again. “I’m sure you can. But I really do have to go to Lake Tahoe. I’d rather not lose another day of my reservation, especially since I have to pay for it whether I show up or not at this point. It’s too late to cancel.”

  “Even if you can’t get there?”

  I shook my head. “That’s not an option. I need to be there.”

  Confused wrinkles formed on his forehead. “Funny, I never pegged you as a snow girl. You used to be more about being warm than being cold.”

  “Well, that was the old me. The pre-engagement-gone-wrong and the pre-marriage-gone-even-worse-than-wrong me.” I pointed to my chest. “This girl is all about being adventurous—and doing things I’ve never done before. Plus Chris hated anything to do with snow, which is another reason why I’m going to Lake Tahoe instead of the Bahamas.”

  Liam laughed. “Then I’d say that’s a good reason to pick Lake Tahoe over the Bahamas.”

  With both hands, I gave Liam’s shoulders a nudge. “Okay, time to get up. I’ve got a ski lesson to get to this afternoon.”

  He removed himself from me and sat up. “You ski?”

  “Not yet, but that’s part of the plan.”

  “And does this plan explain why there’s mistletoe in your suitcase?”

  I shrugged and climbed out of bed. “That was my best friend’s plan.”

  I grabbed my clothes from my suitcase and hurried to the bathroom as he called out, “What plan is that?”

  It was the plan I didn’t want to explain to him.

  Not now.

  Not ever.

  8

  LIAM

  “SORRY,” Harold said from behind the front desk. “The last report is that the snow has slowed since last night, but it will still be awhile before the plows can clear the roads.”

  “So, there’s absolutely no way for us to leave?” Disappointment oozed from Ava’s words like caramel from a half-eaten piece of chocolate.

  “Not until later this afternoon, at the earliest. But in the meantime, you can enjoy all the outdoor activities we have available. Snowshoeing is always popular.”

  Ava perked up at that. “I’ve always wanted to try snowshoeing.”

  “Perfect! Give me a few minutes,” Harold said, “and then I can get you all set up. You’ll want to grab your warm clothes, especially ski pants and winter boots if you have any.”

  Twenty minutes later, the three of us set out along the path that had been cleared by a snow blower at some point this morning. An inch of snow had fallen since then. The parking lot was still deep in snow.

  “Snowshoeing is really easy to do,” Harold said. “You’ll be a pro in no time.”

  We entered a large shed that stored all kinds of winter and summer sports gear, including a single snowmobile.

  An image popped into my head of me riding it with Ava behind me. Her chest pressed against my back, her inner thighs against my hips.

  And my cock twitched its approval.

  “We have two that we usually rent out, but this one is having trouble starting,” Harold said as I checked it over.

  “If you want, I can take a look at it. I might be able to figure it out.”

  “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be any bother.”

  I waved him off. “No problem at all.” I glanced at Ava. The disappointment was back on her face. “I’ll look at it once we get back from snowshoeing.” And just like that, she was smiling again.

  Harold passed her the snowshoes and helped her fasten the straps. It didn’t take us long to master the fine art of walking with what looked like oversized tennis racquets attached to our feet. Harold suggested a path for us to hike; then he returned to the inn.

  “Wow, it’s so beautiful out here.” Ava peered up at the deep blue sky. All around us, the snow sparkled in the sunlight like diamonds had been crushed and sprinkled on the ground. “It’s so magical. Nothing like I was expecting.”

  “Have you ever seen snow before?” I asked.

  “Of course I have…” She tilted her head to the side. “On TV shows. But seeing it on TV is nothing like in real life.” She puckered her lips and blew out a long puff of air, like a small dragon who hadn’t yet learned the fine art of breathing fire. The wispy, white air drifted away in the morning chill.

  Both of us were wearing our winter gear. Mine was designed for being practical, perfect for SARs. Ava’s black ski pants and raspberry-pink winter jacket were designed to look good on the slopes. She looked even more adorably sexy with the cream-colored woolen hat covering her long, blonde hair.

  Grinning, she scanned the area. “You know what I’ve always wanted to do?”

  “Make a snow angel?” Because that sounded like something she would do.

  She laughed. “That is on the list. Along with building a snowman.” She crouched, picked up a handful of snow, and formed a snowball. “Any idea how you make one?”

  Before I could answer, a snowball came hurling toward me…and missed my head by several feet.

  “Didn’t play much football in college, did you?” I said with a laugh.

  She made a face. “That obvious, huh?”

  “Yes, that obvious.” I bent down and scooped up a handful of snow.

  Ava must have spotted what was no doubt a devilish gleam in my eyes when I stood again. She squealed and clumsily turned around and attempted to run. Which under normal circumstances would have been easy to do. But when you had snowshoes attached to your feet, normal didn’t apply.

  I practically dove at her as she lost her footing and went down…taking me with her. Laughing, she squirmed, doing her best to get away from me. I lifted the snowball, triumphant.

  “Don’t you dare do what I know you’re thinking of doing,” she said, laughing and squirming.

  “And what exactly is that?” I said it as I pushed up the hem of her coat and sweater, exposing her stomach—which was not what she’d been expecting. I could see it on her face. The moment of su
rprise.

  Before I dropped the snow on her skin.

  She screamed while laughing at the same time. “You’re so dead, Liam.”

  “I take it you need me to warm you up.” I kissed her stomach, then licked the exposed skin like she was my favorite flavored popsicle.

  Grape, in case you were wondering.

  I don’t know about Ava, but I was warming up pretty damn fast.

  I moved up to her mouth. If her eyes were any indication, she felt as heated as I did. My mouth caught hers and I kissed her long and hard, with my body pressing down on hers.

  The snow around us wasn’t melting yet from the heat we were generating, but I was certain it would at any moment. We were like a volcano, ready to erupt.

  She moaned in my mouth and made my cock that much harder. But we were hardly in a place where I could take advantage of the situation. Anyone could stumble upon us.

  With a sigh, I rolled off her, then helped her to her feet.

  I grinned at her. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve had this much fun.”

  Her eyebrows disappeared under her hat. “Seriously?”

  I nodded.

  “But you do try to have some fun, right?”

  I thought about it for a moment. “Sure. When I play poker with the guys.”

  “How often do you get together with them?”

  “We try for once a month, but it’s not always easy. It depends on Travis’s and my schedules. He plays for the San Francisco Rock.”

  “The hockey team?”

  “That would be the one.”

  “Wow. Look at you, Mister Hang-Out-With-Famous-People.”

  I laughed. “I’m not sure he’s really that famous.”

  “Are you telling me other than playing poker with the guys maybe once a month, if you’re lucky, you don’t do anything else for fun?”

  “Is that as lame as it sounded in my head?”

  She grinned. “A little bit. But you more than anyone should understand the importance of making the most of the life you have. And that includes having a good time.”

  I pulled her closer to me—a challenge with the snowshoes attached to our feet. How we didn’t end up in the snow again was beyond me. “I enjoyed fucking you.”

  This time her smile was sad at best. “But I bet you’ve enjoyed fucking a lot of women, so that doesn’t count as fun.”

  “I’ve been busy getting my company off the ground and helping with search and rescues whenever I can. It doesn’t leave me much time to screw around with women.”

  Her eyebrows disappeared under her hat again. “So you aren’t having sex whenever you want?”

  I threw my head back in laughter. “You’re the first woman I’ve been with in…” I did the mental math but then gave up after several seconds. “It’s been a long time. Maybe a few months.”

  Christ, no wonder my cock was such a horny bastard when it came to Ava.

  “Really?” she said. You’d have thought from her reaction that I had just announced I ate dragons for breakfast. Every day. “When was the last time you had a girlfriend?”

  I looked her levelly in the eyes. “I haven’t dated anyone seriously since we broke up.”

  “You…you haven’t? Why not? I can guarantee it’s not because women aren’t interested in you. Not when you’re so hot and you’ve got the big alpha thing going where you like rescuing damsels in distress.”

  I chuckled. “Is that what women like? To be rescued?”

  She shrugged. “Some do.”

  “What about you?” I already knew the answer.

  She shook her head. “I’m very good at rescuing myself.”

  “So I noticed. When I found you stranded.” I winked at her.

  She pushed her lips together into an adorable pout. “I hadn’t had a chance at that point to rescue myself. But if you hadn’t come along, I would have done exactly that. Eventually.”

  I could keep pushing my point about Ava needing rescuing, but I was a wise man. And a wise man never antagonized the woman who gave him mind-numbing orgasms. The moment he did was the moment he was demoted from being wise. “So you think I’m hot?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Of course you picked up on that. How about we go back to the part where you haven’t dated anyone since you dumped me.”

  I opened my mouth to remind her why I’d ended our engagement. She parked her mitted hand over it, halting the words.

  “Why haven’t you dated anyone? I mean, I get you were away serving your country, which made dating tough. But you weren’t gone the entire time, were you?” She removed her hand from my mouth.

  “It’s not a big deal, Ava. I just didn’t date.” After I broke up with her, I wasn’t interested in dating again. I had been crazy in love with her, and that wasn’t something you could easily turn off.

  And then after that, I guess I’d never met anyone who had made me feel the way she had.

  She inspected my face, searching for something. “It is a big deal. What is it you’re afraid of?”

  My mouth twisted up to one side. “Aren’t you the one who just said I have a big alpha thing going? Obviously I’m not afraid of anything.” I turned around—a challenge with the snowshoes on—and began walking in the direction we’d come from.

  She snorted. “Of course you’re afraid of something. Everyone is afraid of something,” she said, calling after me.

  I slowed enough for her to catch up with me. “Not everyone is afraid of spiders and snakes and rats like you are.”

  “I’m not talking about that kind of fear. I’m talking about the fear that keeps you from getting into serious relationships. What is the underlying fear behind your decision to avoid them?”

  I shot her a look. “You’re not going to drop it, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  “When did you become a shrink?”

  “I didn’t. And quit avoiding the question. Avoidance is not the solution.”

  I stopped abruptly. “Fine. You tell me your relationship fears, and I’ll tell you mine.”

  She chewed on her lip for a second, possibly deliberating if it was worth spilling her deep secrets just to hear mine.

  She must have decided it was. “I’m afraid that I’m cursed.”

  I looked at her for a heartbeat…then cracked up. “Let me get this straight. You tell me that you’re cursed, and now you expect me to be honest with you? Nice try, Ava.” I plodded, plodded, plodded away from her.

  “I’m positive I’m cursed, because the men I love—men who claim they love me—have a nasty habit of hurting me.”

  I stopped at her words but didn’t bother to look over my shoulder at her.

  “I’m afraid of falling in love only to be hurt again.” Her tone cut like a blunt knife through Jell-O.

  I frowned and shuffled around to face her. “So you never want to fall in love again?”

  “I didn’t say that. I said I’m afraid to fall in love. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I’m just scared that if I do, the next guy who comes along will utterly destroy me and my heart.”

  Fuck. I’d done this to her.

  I should’ve trusted Ava to make the choice that was right for her, instead of letting her grandmother convince me otherwise.

  But it was too late to play the “what if” game. I couldn’t go back and change the past. I could only focus on the here and now—and try to regain her trust.

  She took a step toward me. “So there you go. I told you my relationship fear. Now you tell me yours.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Is it because you’re scared of commitment?” she pushed.

  “I really don’t want to talk about it, Ava. Why can’t we just leave it at that?” Because talking about it wouldn’t fix things between us. I needed to show her how I felt about her. I didn’t need to go all estrogen and talk about my feelings.

  “So you never want to find a special woman and have a family with her? Have your own happily ever after lik
e Kelsey has with Trent?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “So you do want to have your own happily ever after?” Ava seemed surprised at that.

  “Yes, when I find the right woman.” Yeah, yeah, I know. I should have told her how I felt about her—that I’d never stopped loving her. I just hadn’t realized it until now.

  She’d given me the perfect opening.

  But even though I was a smart man, I never claimed to be a fucking genius—especially when it came to women. Plus, the last thing I wanted to do was break her ground rule about discussing the past.

  That didn’t mean we weren’t going to venture into that territory. I had every intention of discussing it. After Christmas.

  Once we were back in San Francisco.

  So instead, I went with the other truth. “I’m afraid of losing someone I love.”

  Her eyes widened. “Because your parents died?” When I didn’t say anything, she powered on. “We all die at some point. You can’t avoid relationships just because you’re afraid the person will die.”

  “I didn’t say I was afraid of them dying. I said I was afraid of losing someone I love. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m not good enough for them and they’ll walk away.”

  This had been my fear ten years ago, which was why it had been so easy for her grandmother to convince me to break up with Ava. Deep down, I had been certain that she would eventually walk away from me because I couldn’t give her the lifestyle she was used to.

  Was I worried about that now?

  Not at all.

  But that didn’t mean the fear didn’t linger in the corners of my mind.

  9

  AVA

  “I’M afraid they’ll think I’m not good enough for them and walk away,” Liam said, his words forming white wisps in the cold morning air.

  You mean like how you walked away from our relationship? I wanted to say.

  Yes, there was also a slight chance I wanted to kick him in the shin, but I gallantly held back the urge.